L.A Noire: The Review

Evening all, May 31st? Sheeesh it's been a while, but let's get stuck in! LA Noire! and my review of it! It was in production since 2004 and was constantly delayed on the release date and in a way everybody just forgot about it, but in February of this year they announced that it would be released on May 24th and thus came the hype! In the various trailers it boasted in depth gameplay and a new system of game design using motion capture from real peoples faces, and with it being made by the mighty Rockstar it made is all pretty much like a five year old who had just been told they're going to Disneyland.

So let's begin...L.A Noire grasped me when I was playing it, it threw me straight into 1940's Los Angeles and made me detective MrDrMikey or Cole Phelps as you're known in the game, You are assigned to various cases across 4 different departments of the LAPD Traffic, Homicide, Vice and Arson I believe. As the game progresses you go through them all. And with the game (On Xbox 360) being 3 discs long I felt I was going to be playing it for months, but I wasn't (Basically because I'm a nerd) and I completed it in 3 days, But anyway I'm drifting from the point! The motion capture and the vocabulary of the characters makes it almost as if it's a Hollywood movie. And the general case solving and interrogation is superb and almost makes you feel like a hard man, when really you're an 18 year old sipping tea in your bedroom.

But this sounds good no? and yes it is! but this was about a quarter into the game, after this it just seemed to repeat on itself, it was almost as if they handed me 4 copies and just changed the scenery a little, and from Rockstar I was expecting a smash hit I would play for months when really there is no real action in the free roam just a giant city with f*** all in it. Team Bondi and R* focused too much on the campaign infact so much that as it progressed (let's say 50% through) it felt like they were running out of ideas for content so juts repeated the same stuff over and over, Dare I say that LA Noire is overrated? I'm not sure if I should because the big guys IGN, Machinima etc have made out as if it's the second coming of Christ, and if I wa sdoing a review on how amazing the first 25% of a game is LA Noire would be the best thing since sliced bread, it just got over repetive and as for the ending well I'm not saying what happens, but my testicles hurt from being kicked so hard. I honetsly feel uneasy about digging at a Rockstar game, but I may aswell, I think we've been shown that Rockstar can't do the "good guy" routine, I'll finish off with saying that LA Noire is definitely worth a buy, but if you agree with what I've just wrote then at least wait for the price to drop a little. but I myself cannot review this game on a whole so I'll split it up...

Gameplay - 8.5/10
Graphics - 10/10
Story - 4.5/10

Thanks for reading and all the best :)

It's Over... (Black Ops Eulogy Rant)

Ladies, Gentlemen, Boy and Girls I would like to announce the termination of my Black Ops career it was April 27th at around 2pm that I traded with a wise noble known as HMV my copy of Call of Duty: Black Ops, in exchange for 20 of the shiniest pounds in their possession and to be honest do I regret it? DO I HELL? I'm now going to explain what in Gods name went wrong.

It was November 2010, I was young, delirious an...(Ok I'll stop with this voice that you're reading in a 1940's war documentary narrator style) I bought Black Ops because basically its CoD! You HAVE to buy it merely because you're a gamer. And the year before BOps was Modern Warfare 2 which in everyones eyes was terrible (in a summary) but Black Ops was different, different in a way that I would physically enrage at it. The campaign was good as with every other CoD installment but I'd say less than 20% of the online was fair or fun.

The weapons are f***** up with some being grossly overpowered than others, the spawning system looks like it was constructed by an ape and the server connectivity is about as useful as a Stephen Hawking workout DVD. I never thought I'd say this about not only a Call of Duty game but even a game in general ...I hate Call of Duty Black Ops...and I believe many other people will agree, in fact a shocking amount of people will agree, it has shaken my belief in the Call of Duty series and I may not even buy Modern Warfare 3 in November because of it. But I put a lot of emphasis on the "May" i just said, I know for certain I am not buying any other game made by Treyarch even if they give me one for free. Now I'm well within 'Mikey Rant Mode' and you're probably thinking at the moment "Jesus! Mikey?! he was always a fun, calm character!" not today friends.

Treyarch let 'Game of the year 2010' and 'Fastest Selling Game' get to their massive heads and completely gave up on the real people who play their games, they "patched" problems with it but in all honesty f*** all changed, Treyarch impressed me back in 2008 when they made World at War it was different but fun, not this time round, now I will always praise the campaign of Black Ops it was very good indeed and if you're a person who plays FPS's purely for the campaign then please buy Black Ops but if you like online play then don't stray anywhere near it because quite literally you will rip your own face off in sheer anger.

Thank you and goodnight.